Monday, July 30, 2012

A Container to Live Within :: A Poem, A Practice

it won't ever be perfect
not in the way that you or i think of perfect
but it will be everything that it is
and we will feel it all like an accordion
in and out, loud and soft, high and low...

this life thing has been around for quite some time
cycling and circling
dancing like a child under her very own arm
you can dance like that, too
hardly knowing, in your mind, what you're doing
mostly flowing
mostly following
something bigger inside of you
far too large to be contained
far too free to stay small
far too strange to be known in words

but you can know it--
your natural rhythm
the way your everything wants to flow
the way your body wants to go
the direction, the devotion
that you move within
when you get out of your own way
when you accept your form of play
when you play
when you play
when you play

stepping back or holding in
shrinking away or never beginning--
i have my limits
for now, for now
i do

but underneath my mind's desire
to be everything good and glorious
to hold on to that tempting perfect that isn't real--
which takes me nowhere juicy or true--
there is a surrender
an exhale
a relief
like age-old eyes looking up from a bed
just before their final closing--

you will get what you need
even if it is crappy
believe me,
you will get what you need

in this moment
on this earth
a light will flicker from a pocket mirror
into the pupil of your eye
and show you
if you will look
you will see
if you will follow
you will be free


It's a practice. A big one. A bold one. An opening that changes everything--to really come home to your natural rhythm and easy flow. It's simple, but it's anything but small. And I'm knee deep in the practice, soaking in the most enlivening moments of honesty, humility & humor.

If this practice is calling to you, too--if you know it's your time to come home to yourself and come all the way out, I'd be honored to support you along the way. For the sake of the little stuff & the big stuff--a happier body & healthier relationships, deeper peace-of-mind & less stress in the check-out isle, a job that fits you & jeans that fit you. It's all about coming home & coming out.

Check out 31 for 31, a coaching special that I'm running during the month of August. We might just be meant for each other. This might just be that flicker of light.

madlove & swirling respect,

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

How to Stay Tender & Why... in 31 sentences

1. Don't reach for your phone or laptop.
2. Close it all down, and breathe.
3. There are times for marathoning through, for zipping up and getting it done, for reaching out for some sort of escape.
4. If this isn't one of those times, don't do it.
5. Don't starve yourself of your humanity, your humility.
6. Surrender.
7. All the way into the muddy, fertile ground of exactly how it is.
8. Imagine yourself laying calmly there, naked backside held by a cool and wet ground.
9. Imagine that all of life and existence is holding you--all that has come before you and died, all that will never last forever, all that will try to hold on just as you are--is with you in this very moment, this very fragile inhale, exhale.
9. Inhale, exhale.
10. Inhale, exhale.
11. As you inhale, you may quiver.
12. As you exhale, you may burst.
13. Like a hundred floating seeds of a fearless dandelion, just after a wish is cast.
14. This is your time for wishing; for connecting so honestly to what you really, truly want.
15. For mourning, so shamelessly, for what never came to pass.
16. It's okay to be human--to wish some things weren't so.
17. And it's okay to sink even further down, into the ultimate truth that knows: we can run but we cannot hide.
18. We cannot evade loss.
19. We cannot avoid suffering.
20. If you run now, you will get caught later.
21. Once you have tired and lost your breath, it will catch up with you and, Tag! You're it!
22. It will be your turn to chase down the pain; your turn to dive into the mud of humanity.
23. And like a bath, you will wash yourself with cool, dark truth.
24. You will exfoliate your heart and throat, crying and laughing and laying still in the balmy calming aftermath.
25. In that stillness, you will find a mirror.
26. You will look past your own eyes, into the human condition.
27. You will see how brave we are, how hard we work, how we are a people who try.
28. And even though our trying doesn't always get us what we want, it is our signature move.
29. Among the humans, there is a debate over our plight being laziness or fear; but that assumes that we are plighted--that we cannot survive our own condition.
30. I disagree.
31. Even here, there is beauty, if you stay long enough to see it.

What's your take on tenderness?--Your journey with facing pain or panicking when it comes up? The comments are yours for revealing it all. We love you just the same.

madlove and 10 dollops of tenderness,

Sunday, July 22, 2012

31 for 31 :: The Way Dreams Come True for You and Me

West end beach | Molokai, Hawai'i | Image by Julie Daley

Sweet and wild friends and loves,

I'm going to do a few incredible things in the next few months that I'm totally psyched about!!--Some of which you can participate in if the spirit moves ya! But first...

The back story

Two months ago, my dear love Brian and I decided (with tons of honor and respect) that it was time to go our own ways after 7 and a half years of true togetherness. Since then, I've been reevaluating my life, my dreams and my work. 

I've decided to make a rite of passage into delicious independence and radical responsibility for this one life I get to live by...

Becoming a full-time coach
Moving to Hawai'i!

With heaps of intuitive hits and universal green lights (like the waves themselves are pulling me there!), I've decided to move to Hawaii mid-September! (Island and length-of-stay TBD...leaning towards Maui for 2 to 200 months, depending). 

Simultaneously, I've had the deep desire to dive head first into my coaching practice. After 8 months of coaching part-time and baristaing part-time, it's finally time to go all-in with coaching. So-I've quit my part-time job, moved home to my parents house where I'm able to be super retreat-like focused, and put together this beautiful opportunity for myself and 31 lovely people out there.

It's called 31 for 31, and you can read all about it right here
In short: 31 days, 31 people, 31 sessions, $31 a session--beginning August 1st.

To be transparent, yes--it's about building up my coaching clientele. It's also about introducing coaching to a wider sphere of people--offering up an opportunity for people to work with me at a reduced rate, who otherwise might never try coaching. I love what I do and people say I'm excellent at it. Landing a slew of new clients in time for my Hawai'i departure would mean a thriving and sustainable life while I'm over there. And some serious soul-shifting, life-enriching experiences for my clients. Hell yes! At the same time, I do no hard sells. I only work with people who are frickin' PUMPED to work together. 

So, with wild love in my heart, that fluttery excited feeling of doing something truly resonant & truly bold, and, well, hope that you'll play along... Here goes nothing.

I love you. I thank you. Yowza! Let's do this thing!

PS--special thanks to Kate Swaboda & her Coaching Blueprint Newsletter where the 31 for 31 idea spun from. Her content is always exceptional + beckoning. 

Monday, July 16, 2012

Nothing to Refuse: A song that says Yes to it All

Can I tell you how hard it's been for me? Turning the page is exhausting, even when you're committed, accepting, honorable, intentional, working with ten thousand healers, etc. How 'bout them apples?!? Sometimes, you can't make it easy. Sometimes, all you can do is simply practice accepting where you are. Saying... "Oh well." "Yup." "This is really where I am." more than you're used to or comfortable with. You can just be in the sadness or rage or exhaustion or depression or, or, or... You can let. it. be. Better... You can let it live. (Oh, how little space we have as a culture for "not having your shit together"--but that's another post).

This song was born in one of those moments of surrender and acceptance. The lyrics are below. And it begs the question... What if there's nothing wrong, nothing here to refuse? What happens when you create space for it all--all the sides and shades of our crazy existence as humans? What, that's usually smothered and stuck, gets a chance to comes alive?

Nothing to Refuse

What if I don't need you tonight like I think I do?
What if one's just as good of a number as two?
Used to think that I needed your fingers to strum a song
Turns out, I got ten of my own; I can do it, too...
I can do it, I can do it
Someone please tell me why we spend so much time wanting
Show me what's right in front of me; I'm awake now, I'm awake now
To the tears and the tender, the fears the surrender
Turns out even through it all, I can make it through...
I can make it, I can make it 'cause...

I sing pop songs
 When I'm sad
And I've got road rage
When I'm mad
And on those good days
When I'm glad
I'll say thank you
With a quiet laugh

What if I could get quiet enough to be still?--
Still like a chair on a hardwood floor...
Maybe then, maybe then, maybe then, maybe then
All of the laughter would be a bit funnier
Funny thing I've been seeing people more clearly
Eye to eye so many of us are so weary
What a gift, what a gift to be tortured together
After all, we all know, together is better, better, better, better

We'll sing pop songs
When we're sad
And we'll have road rage
When we're mad
And on those good days
When we're glad
We'll say thank you
With quiet laughs

What if I don't need you tonight like I think I do?
What if one's just as good of a number as two?
We all know, we all know it's resistance that kills
What if there's nothing wrong, nothing here to undo?
What if there's nothing wrong, nothing here to refuse?

I'll sing pop songs
When I'm sad
And I'll have road rage
When I'm mad
And on those good days
When I'm glad I'll say thank you
With a quiet laugh...

What if there's nothing wrong?
What if there's nothing wrong here?
What if there's nothing wrong, nothing here to undo?
What if there's nothing wrong, nothing here to refuse?

Sunday, July 15, 2012

isn't it a pity: the most beautiful meditation on heartbreak

isn't it a pity
isn't it a shame
yes, how we break each other's hearts
and cause each other pain

how we take each other's love
without thinking anymore
forgetting to give back
forgetting to remember
just forgetting and no thank you
isn't it a pity

some things take so long
but how do i explain
why not too many people can see
that we are all just the same
we're all guilty

--Isn't it a Pity by George Harrison, covered by Nina Simone

Monday, July 9, 2012

Time Takes Time: Retreating 'til I'm Ready to Return

Permission to join in, sink in, let go, let it out... really really rest, retreat, revive yourself.
You know when it's time.
I'll see you on the flip side.
Heaps of love,

How to be yourself: an empty map for soul-finders near and far

begin to draw
any road or tree or key will do
whatever you draw will work
will fit
will find the next path or freeway
from then to now
to never knew it could be like this
heart spinning like slap-happy dizzy stumbling
holy holy moly love!--

or that--
again and again, frozen, lost in your creation
not sure which one or way came first
more like head spinning, ache, cry, whine, why is no one coming?
especially not me?

this much, we guarantee:
you will let yourself down

down, so far into the underworld of optimism
that you'll wonder why anyone hopes at all
ashes, ashes--
the cool ground a sturdy stillness
of what it's like to get real
beyond laughter
beyond wailing
beyond it all

really, there is only this
only you, no matter how it shakes out
no matter how you wish you were
there is only this, only you
only this, only you

repeating like a meditation as you lay curled
in the shadowed surrender of coming to terms
until you know the land well enough to crawl your way around
and crawl you will--
the strong bone of your forearm learning how to lean
without collecting so many bruises
the fragile cap of your knee like lite feet dancing across coals of fire
and your soft whispering monologues recited like a Lakota--
knowing every ditch and daffodil between you and the
infinite horizon

you are collecting your secret passageways
you are collecting the language of birds
you are collecting the stars as they shine, shine, shine by the moon
you are collecting lovers and companions and heartbreaks and stories for the grandchildren
you are collecting your own evaporation, body melting in the heat of the truth
you are collecting everything you need
and it will all burn

brightly, with fury
without an ounce of fear
it will burn
and so will you
your map outliving you for just a moment longer
until it, too, floats
like a legacy
like a red balloon into a light blue abyss
up, up, up

everything burns
ever more reason
to throw yourself in